Pittsburgh hosts first annual day without clouds and precipitation.

This just in... Pittsburgh is currently experiencing its first annual day without clouds and precipitation. Residents all across Steel City woke up this morning to a delight rarely seen in these parts. A bright yellow-white globe hung suspended above the horizon. Passers-by vacationing from Tuscon, Arizona noted that the phenomenon is called the "Sun" in other regions of the country. Vendors took to the streets to sell "sunglasses," but according to one merchant standing near Pitt on 5th avenue, business was still slow. Several pedestrians were struck by motor vehicles as they stumbled into oncoming traffic -- apparently blinded by the light. Wrapped up like a deuce, another runner in the night.

Wes is walking to the bathroom to go brush his teeth and then he will walk back to go to sleep in his bed...

OK. For the record, Facebook status updates are now officially out of control. Why do some people feel it is necessary to share the most mundane details about their lives? You're sitting on your couch watching TV waiting for CSI to come on? You're off to pick up the kids from school? That's fascinating! It is also so utterly boring and inconsequential that I want to poke myself in the eye for reading it. I much prefer updates that shock and titillate. Example: "John has recently been diagnosed with herpes." Now THAT'S news worth reading.

Here's another kind of update post that is annoying: the brag post. "Mary just landed in Cabo where it's 80 degrees. She'll be spending the next 3 weeks sipping margaritas poolside." And then two weeks later: "Mary just got back from St. Moritz... the powder was deep and the après ski dining was fabulous!!!" Are you eff-ing kidding me? Do you really want people to hate you that much? I enjoy vacation as much as the next person, but you've got to show at least a little tact!

This is a double post.

This, my friend, is a double post. Double posts are worth double the points, and will therefore make up for the fact that I will not be posting for at least several (2^2) weeks. It's not because I'm lazy, mind you, it's because double posts are so rare and that it would upset the cosmos were I to post too soon following the Double Post (tm). Be wary of others claiming otherwise. Be doubly wary of those with blog posts exceeding 100 words. This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast Service: You've just been double-stuffed.

This plastic bag stuck in a tree outside my window...

This plastic bag stuck in the tree outside my window at work stares at me all day long. At the moment, it is an albino snake, coiled around the outer branches of a barren sidewalk elm. When the wind picks up, it's head bobs up and down and a long tongue protrudes from its mouth and smells the air. People passing by show little concern for the danger lurking from above.

Snot Rags

Have you ever noticed that after people use a tissue to blow their nose, they casually look down at the napkin to see what the result was? What does that say about us -- that is, what does that say about YOU people? I would never do such a vile thing. I mean, do you look down and say to yourself, "Holy shit -- that's a huge-ass booger.. and it's green!" or maybe it's just "hmph... I was expecting more. Perhaps I'll blow harder next time." Strange I tell you -- strange.